Contest! Literary Fails! (or Phails)

Contest time!

Inspired by 's and my latest obsession with Mary Sues (and creating some truly horrendous ones along the way), I now invite you to create the ULTIMATE PHAIL IN LITERATURE!
Ultimate fails in literature are noteworthy for an abundance of Mary Sues, bad form or meter or rhyme in poetry, terrible subject matter and are all around puke worthy. My Immortal is a perfect example of a literary Phail! Bad spelling and text talk are also great options (though for this contest, you're asked to keep in minimal so that we can read it). Surprisingly, literary phails are hard to do and will teach you some valuable lessons about writing, so with that in mind...

Rules:
Prose or poetry allowed--fanfic is welcome too! (please tell us what you're fanficking though)
It has to be readable, so please limit the text talk (though you can have some of course, such as LOL, OMG, OMFG and shorthand for 'two' and 'be')
Must have some sort of plot, even if it's pointless (in fact, the more pointless the better)
Prose must have a Mary Sue or Gary Stu (or both, lolz)
Poetry should not have a form, or if it does, it should be done sloppily
Please comment here or note me if you're entering so I know that you're doing it.
Deadline: May 31st noon Pacific Standard Time
Please note me with your entry with the subject heading-Literary PHAIL contest
Must be a new piece specifically for this contest

Winner will be chosen by myself and  and will receive a free commission of any sort and will be featured in my journal and in a news article. Plus of course you'll get the infamous title of writing a Literary Phail!

Have fun folks!